i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
