look no pants
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
