So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
