I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
