Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Your cock deserves a montage
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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