When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
