Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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