Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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