She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
