please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
No subtext here. People are naked.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
