I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
