Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize