White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
