conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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