I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
