I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
