Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
