Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
