but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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