but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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