I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize