I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
