Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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