I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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