then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
