White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
