Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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