She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
