Swine flu is the new snow day.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
