i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
