i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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