dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
