i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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