we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
