Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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