my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
