sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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