I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
