You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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