Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
