They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
