He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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