They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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