Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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