The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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