woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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