butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
