Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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