I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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