So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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