It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
