Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
