i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize