He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
