I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
