I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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