you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize