I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
