Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
