Me. At least after what I've been through.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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