I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize